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February 19, 2024


Sample Essay: Unveiling the Essence of Writing a Winning College Essay

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Embarking on the journey of college applications is akin to painting a self-portrait where every brushstroke represents a fragment of your life's canvas. This series delves into the artistry behind crafting essays that resonate - the why. These essays have not only succeeded but have done so by telling a story that is deeply personal and profoundly human. Through the lens of winning essays, we aim to unravel the intricacies and strategies that transform ordinary narratives into gateways of opportunity. Each essay in our series is a testament to the power of authentic expression, serving as a beacon for aspiring applicants. Join us as we explore these exemplary narratives, dissecting the elements that elevate them from mere submissions to reflections of individuality and purpose.

Essay by Rosaisha Ozoria for the Financial Literacy for Hispanic Women Scholarship

Essay Prompt: Write about your hopes for the future of women and girls worldwide.

Essay: I volunteer at the Los Sures Social Services office next to the local senior citizen home to help at the food pantry twice a week. We distribute food to people in my neighborhood. Many are familiar faces. Many are middle-aged Hispanic women with children dangling from their hips like grass skirts. These women are there due to their culture and lack of financial knowledge. In our Spanish culture, patriarchy prevents women from preparing for themselves as much as they should. Financial illiteracy is a significant issue in my neighborhood, and that is why I want to give Hispanic women a chance for a better future through financial education.

While volunteering, I met a woman who lived in the same building as my aunt. Unemployed with two young children and a husband earning minimum wage at a fast food restaurant, she struggled to get by every day. I thought to myself – many in my community are just like her. Then, I realized I could do something to help. How? I can start a financial literacy program that teaches Hispanic women to earn and manage money. Once a woman becomes financially literate, she can make sound personal and professional decisions, empowering her to improve her family’s financial well-being. Moreover, such a program will help Hispanic women become competitive employees, even in a slow-recovering economy like the one we are experiencing now.

Participating in the 2013 Women’s World Banking Global Meeting in Amman, Jordan, gives me access to invaluable resources to help me achieve this goal. I hope to find mentors from a roomful of inspiring, experienced leaders who will offer me their guidance. Also, meeting accomplished women from other countries means access to new ideas and unique perspectives. And if I am lucky, I may even come across individuals who can provide financial support to jumpstart my financial literacy program for Hispanic women. Lastly, I will tell my idea to everyone I meet in Jordan: a baby step to help Hispanic women rise from poverty.

The world continues to change rapidly, especially with globalization. It is about time that Hispanic women strive for gender equality. Thus, Hispanic women must increase their roles and knowledge in finance. The women in my neighborhood shall no longer be left out. I will help these women become better, stronger, and, most importantly, take control of their lives. I want to be involved so that they can save themselves from any unforeseen financial crisis. Financial literacy is an audacious goal, but it is an opportunity to make a difference – in my neighborhood and Spanish community.

What makes this essay successful?

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This essay articulates a clear and focused vision for empowering women through financial education, particularly within the Hispanic community. The author effectively combines personal observation, volunteer experiences, and future aspirations to outline how they hope to contribute to the advancement of women and girls worldwide. Here are the key strengths of the essay:

  • Specific Focus on Financial Literacy: One of the essay's significant strengths is its focus on financial literacy as a tool for empowerment. By identifying financial illiteracy as a critical barrier facing Hispanic women, the author presents a targeted approach to enhancing women's autonomy and decision-making power. This focus is practical and actionable, emphasizing the importance of financial knowledge in achieving independence and security.
  • Personal Connection and Motivation: The author's experiences and volunteering observations provide a strong foundation for their advocacy. This connection not only lends credibility to their argument but also demonstrates a deep understanding of the challenges faced by the women in their community. It shows that their hope for the future is grounded in real-world experiences and a genuine desire to effect change.
  • Actionable and Achievable Goals: The essay outlines a clear plan to address financial illiteracy by creating a financial literacy program. This solution-oriented approach is a significant strength as it moves beyond identifying problems to proposing concrete steps to overcome them. The author's initiative to seek resources and mentorship further illustrates their commitment to making this vision a reality.
  • Global Perspective with Local Impact: By participating in the Women’s World Banking Global Meeting and seeking international insights and support, the author demonstrates an understanding of the importance of a global perspective in addressing local issues. This approach suggests that empowering women in their neighborhoods can have broader implications for gender equality worldwide.
  • Empowerment through Education: At its core, the essay champions education as a means of empowerment. By equipping women with financial skills, the author envisions a future where Hispanic women are more competitive in the workforce and capable of making informed decisions that benefit their families and communities. This vision aligns with broader goals for gender equality and women's rights, making it a powerful statement on the potential of education to transform lives.

Overall, the essay presents a hopeful and compelling vision for the future of women and girls, emphasizing the role of financial literacy in achieving gender equality and empowerment. The author's commitment to this cause, with a clear plan of action and a global perspective, makes a persuasive case for addressing financial illiteracy among Hispanic women as a pathway to a better future.

Empowering Your Journey with GoodGoblin

As we dissect the components that contribute to a successful essay, it's evident that the journey of crafting such a narrative is both personal and complex. However, there are others on this path. GoodGoblin is a pioneering ally, offering personalized guidance and innovative tools to illuminate your college application journey. Our platform harnesses the latest AI technology to provide real-time, tailored feedback on your essays, ensuring your unique voice resonates with clarity and impact.

GoodGoblin's AI-driven insights draw from a rich tapestry of successful applications, offering you a compass as you navigate the intricate college admissions process. From generating essay outlines to refining drafts with granular feedback, GoodGoblin is designed to elevate your narrative, ensuring that your application speaks to who you are and the potential you bring to your dream colleges.

In the spirit of the essays we've explored, your story deserves to be told with authenticity and elegance. Let GoodGoblin be your guide, empowering you to craft narratives that are not just successful but genuinely your own. Discover how our platform can transform your college application experience by visiting us at Let's turn the page to the next chapter of your academic journey, where your voice is heard, and your dreams are within reach.